Have you ever had one of those days where, if you actually stopped and thought about it, nothing particularly bad has happened?
Your life is okay. There isn’t a huge crisis. Nobody has called with terrible news. And yet you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water.
You’re tired. Your patience is wearing thin. Your brain feels full. Even small things start to feel like one more thing you have to deal with.
And then comes the question:
“Why am I feeling like this? Nothing is even wrong.”
But here’s the thing.
Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t always mean that something is seriously wrong.
Sometimes it means you’ve simply been carrying too much for too long.
It might not be one big thing
I think we sometimes look for one obvious reason for feeling overwhelmed.
I’m stressed because of work.
I’m anxious because something happened.
I’m struggling because there’s a problem I need to sort out.
But life isn’t always that neat.
Sometimes it’s the accumulation of lots of little things.
The email you’ve been meaning to answer.
The appointment you need to make.
The washing that’s piling up.
The conversation you’re still thinking about.
The decision you haven’t made yet.
Trying to remember what everyone else needs.
Thinking about money.
Trying to keep up at work.
Being there for your family.
Wondering whether you’re doing enough.
None of those things, on their own, might feel like a big deal.
But put them all together and it’s a different story.
Sometimes you’re not overwhelmed by one thing.
You’re overwhelmed by everything.
Your brain doesn’t get to switch off just because you’re sitting down
This is something that’s easy to miss.
You might think you’re resting because you’re sitting on the sofa watching television.
But your brain might still be doing this:
I need to remember to send that email.
I really should sort that tomorrow.
Why did they say that earlier?
I need to book that.
What am I going to do about…?
Oh, and I forgot to…
You’re physically resting, but mentally you’re still running around.
And sometimes that’s why a whole evening can pass and you still don’t feel rested.
We can be very good at filling every bit of quiet with something.
Our phones.
Social media.
Television.
Messages.
Podcasts.
Planning.
Thinking.
Doing.
Sometimes what we actually need isn’t another thing to do.
We need a bit less.
Overwhelm can make small things feel enormous
When your mental capacity is already stretched, something tiny can suddenly feel like a massive problem.
Someone asks you a perfectly reasonable question and you think:
“I honestly cannot deal with one more decision.”
The house being untidy suddenly feels unbearable.
You get an email and immediately feel anxious about opening it.
You have three things to do and somehow your brain decides that you can’t do any of them.
This doesn’t mean you’re lazy.
It doesn’t mean you’re incapable.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It may simply mean that your brain is already dealing with a lot.
Think of it like carrying shopping bags.
You can carry five.
You can probably manage six.
But eventually, there comes a point where someone handing you one more bag isn’t helpful.
You just need to put some of the others down.
So what can you actually do?
When you’re overwhelmed, the temptation is often to make a huge list and try to get everything sorted.
But sometimes that’s exactly the opposite of what you need.
Start smaller.
Ask yourself:
What actually needs to happen today?
Not tomorrow.
Not next month.
Not all the things you’ve been meaning to do since 2023.
Just today.
Then ask:
What can wait?
Because some things really can wait.
You don’t have to answer every message immediately.
You don’t have to solve every problem today.
You don’t have to make every decision right now.
And you don’t have to be available to everyone all of the time.
Sometimes reducing the pressure is more useful than trying to become better at coping with it.
Try getting things out of your head
If your brain feels like it has 47 tabs open, write some of them down.
Not a beautifully organised life plan.
Just get them out.
Write down everything that’s taking up space in your head.
Then look at the list.
What genuinely needs doing?
What can wait?
What could somebody else help with?
What are you worrying about that you can’t actually do anything about today?
And what are you expecting yourself to do simply because you’ve decided you should?
That last one can be an interesting question.
We put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves without always noticing we’re doing it.
You don’t need to have a crisis to need a pause
This is probably the bit I’d most like you to remember.
You don’t have to wait until you’re completely burnt out before you take yourself seriously.
You don’t have to justify being tired.
You don’t need a dramatic reason for needing some space.
You can have a good life and still find parts of it difficult.
You can be grateful and overwhelmed.
You can love your family and need time alone.
You can enjoy your job and still feel exhausted by it.
You can look like you’re coping from the outside while internally thinking:
“I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with everything.”
Those things can all be true at the same time.
Maybe ask yourself a different question
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try moving away from:
“What’s wrong with me?”
and ask:
“What have I been carrying?”
It changes the conversation.
Instead of judging yourself for struggling, you’re getting curious about what’s actually going on.
Maybe you’ve taken on too much.
Maybe you’ve been saying yes when you wanted to say no.
Maybe you haven’t had any proper downtime.
Maybe something has been bothering you that you haven’t dealt with.
Maybe you’ve been trying to keep everything together for everyone else.
Or maybe you’re simply tired.
And sometimes the answer isn’t complicated.
Sometimes you just need to put a few things down.
You don’t have to sort your whole life out today.
Start with what would make today feel a little bit lighter.
And if feeling overwhelmed is becoming a regular part of your life, you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. Talking things through with someone can help you understand what’s contributing to how you’re feeling and what might help you move forwards.
That’s one of the things Kindwell is here for, providing a space to pause, make sense of what’s going on, and work out what comes next.